Building Your Inner Resilience

I think on some level all of us know that we are powerful and that we can change our life for the better. It is one thing to know this in our heads but quite another thing to believe in our hearts with certainty, that this is true. This disconnect is not uncommon and we all must work at it. When we are experiencing something in our lives that is not going well, we tend to shrink into ourselves and dwell on the negative. Our ability to move from this life-draining space quickly is called resilience. We all have this ability to transform whatever life has thrown our way, and when we can do it, it becomes our greatest skill and most treasured asset.

Like anything else, this takes awareness and practice to be able to accelerate this movement from negative to positive. This is not a skill that we all should know; it is something you must learn.

I believe that the first step is to embrace a worthiness concept. This means that no matter where you are now, or where you have been, you are worthy. Ask yourself this question, how might your life be different if you believed you were deserving of every good thing in life? I hope this question piques your curiosity and you spend some time reflecting on it.

How do you honor your story? At whatever point you are in your journey, it is fair to say you have probably weathered your fair share of disappointments, loss, hurt, and even betrayals. How we experience what happens to us makes up our story. The story we tell ourselves and others will either boost our self-worth or diminish it. When this happens, the story will tell ourselves will either keep us stuck or help us to move forward. Change and moving forward can be scary, even when we want it more than anything. It’s okay to be afraid because that fear serves to keep us safe, but when it keeps us stuck in one place, it is time to make a small step through the fear.

We cannot change what has happened to us, but we can change how we relate to it. This does not mean that we simply try to forget about it or pretend it does not matter, because it always comes back, and this circle is what keeps us stuck. It’s a painful reminder about what has been or is. We can change our perspective by looking at what happened in a new way, or so to speak, with new eyes. This allows us to see it from another person’s point of view and grant ourselves and others some grace in what happened. Learning to change your perspective allows you to change the way you have thought about what happened and move into something more positive and life-giving.

Part of the process of changing your perspective is to begin to offer forgiveness to yourself and others. I know the idea of this is often difficult and the very thought of it is scary. Forgiveness is hard, so I often help people begin to be in the process of forgiveness by letting go of the small grievances from the day. It is important to note that forgiveness is not about being right or wrong, instead, it is a gift you give yourself so that what you carry is not so heavy and you can move through life with a greater sense of peace.

Learning to be resilient takes time and practice but the one thing I would encourage you to do each and every day is to begin imagining the best story for your life. What is the most positive and generous response you can have toward your life right now? We tend to say we can do it tomorrow or the next day, or when we lose all the weight we gained, but I urge you to do it now.

 

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